The Davis Family

The Davis Family

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

The Sad News...

First let me say that we appreciate so much all the calls, texts, emails, and messages that we have gotten. We know that no matter what happens, we are surrounded by so many people that love us. Your prayers are definitely felt!

For anyone that is finding out for the first time, Jessica was never pregnant. She has been lying the whole time. Apparently, this is the third time she has done this. There are so many parts to this story that could still be true, but we'll never know. Jessica claimed to have be severely abused, and she said that the birth father of the babies was her step-father. We've known that the whole time. She has told the agency a lot of terrible very detailed stories of the abuse and rapes. Supposedly, the step-father is in federal prison because of raping her sister who has been pregnant twice. If she is telling the truth about the abuse or not, she is a very sick little girl.

She called the social worker (SW) last night and told her that she was in labor. The SW told her that she was coming to get her and take her to the hospital. Jessica told her not to so the SW told her that she was calling an ambulance. So Jessica told her to just come get her. When they got to the hospital, they put the monitors on her stomach and couldn't hear the heartbeats. They sent her to get an ultrasound immediately thinking something was wrong with the babies. When she had the ultrasound, there were no babies. The SW says that she has appeared to be pregnant the whole time and even looked pregnant when she lifted her shirt for the ultrasound. A doctor came in and told her to let go of her muscles, and her stomach went flat. She's only 5'1" and weighs 98lbs so somehow she pulled this off. They figured out she was also lying about her age because there was no hospital record for her with her birthdate. She admitted to lying about that and said she was only 14. We all thought she was 17. She still says that she really thought she was pregnant. She even emailed me to tell me that she really thought she was and that she was sorry. I told her that she needed help and that we would continue to pray for her. I have now blocked her email address.

I know that severe trauma can do terrible things to your mental health, and it could have very well happened to this girl. If it is mental illness, she is schizophrenic with delusions of grandeur and has a multiple personality disorder. If she truly believed that she was pregnant, then an alter ego printed out ultrasounds from the internet and manipulated them to look like hers. They had her name, the hospital name, the date, etc. They looked real! She's also apparently created a girl named Carley who is pregnant, too. She denies that she is Carley, but she gave Carley's email address to the agency and has been corresponding with them only in that way.

I could go on and on about all the crazy things this story now entails, but we must move on. I feel so sad for Jessica. Right now, Adam is angry, but I am truly sad for this little girl. I think my Psychology background makes me see this a lot different than Adam does. I think most of his anger has been in fear of me being so disappointed. I am, but I am also feeling some relief. It was getting very overwhelming. We knew that she was refusing to be on bed rest and could go into labor at anytime. All of a sudden twins in March turned into three very pre-mature babies at anytime. I was prepared to move forward if it was God's plan, but there were moments when I was terrified of what that meant for our family. We want another child so bad, but honestly, if the situation causes us to take time away from Hudson and change his life drastically, we don't want to do it. I had a moment before the news of no babies when I thought if I knew all of this before, would I choose it? Having an only child seemed much easier to me, but I also know that God won't give us something we can't handle. I was just terrified.

This has turned out to be a devastating situation, but we have learned so much from it. To make sure Jessica didn't change her mind, we were starting to compromise a little. We also realized that we have put some "yeses" on our application that for us should really be "no's". This situation has shown me that we need to really consider what is best for our family and stick to that. We can no longer be afraid to say no to some things. Because I was so upset about some of Jessica's requests, I cried all Sunday morning at church and went to ask for guidance from our children's minister who is over the adoption ministry. He put me in contact with a wonderful woman who is about to adopt for the fifth time. With one phone call, she has already given me so much wisdom and peace about decisions that have to be made, and I am so thankful for that.

I pray that in all of this, Jessica has felt God's love through us and the adoption agency. I pray also that she will get some help. My heart is truly broken for this girl. Adoption agencies have money alloted for their birth moms' needs, and Jessica turned down most if not all of what they offered her. This makes me think that it was not some scam. She obviously needs love and attention that she's not getting anywhere else.

I don't know why we have lost two biological babies, and I don't know why we now have to feel like we have lost three more. What I do know is that God knows. He knows why all these things have happened to us. He knows His plan for us, and when we do have a precious baby to bring home, we will say it was all worth it. My momma said God gave us a test, and we passed. I hope so.

Moving On,

Saturday, December 18, 2010

So much in a few hours!

Right after I typed the previous blog, I got a call from the friend that recommended the agency in Indiana to us. She and her husband in IN right now with a new baby boy! He was born on Monday, the papers were signed on Tuesday, and the judge removed parental rights on Wednesday. They are hoping to be able to come home next week. That is very quick and encouraging! They said that the hospital there is really nice, and they were very well taken care of. We talked a lot about our experience with the agency, and she had some of the same frustrations that I have. I felt a lot better after talking to her.

When I got off the phone, I had received an email from Jessica. It was WONDERFUL! She was very open and honest and gave a lot more information than I thought she would. She is such an amazing person, and I am so glad that we are going to connect. This is one part of the email:

"... just thinking of them being placed in your arms makes me speechless and I just want what's best, and I know that you will find the joy in these babies, and I think if I would keep them then it would make me too upset knowing there is people as nice as you to take care of them. You really seem like great people and at first it was hard for me to admit that because I still have to wrap my mind around someone else taking care of God's gift."

We've emailed back and forth a few times. She wants to see pictures of our house so I made her a slideshow. AND, she sent me the 4D ultra sound pictures of the 3 babies. So I got to see them!!! Of course, I've just been staring at them and crying. One of them has his little hands over his eyes. It is so sweet.

I'm so thankful to be communicating with Jessica right now. This has changed a lot!

Feeling Good Right Now,

The Morning After

This morning the words of a song Hudson loves to sing are going through my head. "My God is so BIG, so STRONG, and so MIGHTY-There's NOTHING my God cannot do!" Right now, He knows what is best for our family. He's not waiting to hear from the doctors. He's not waiting for Jessica to make a decision. He already knows. He is not surprised by any of this, and I am resting in that right now. Adam and I along with Jessica want nothing but what is best for these babies. We are all praying for God's will. So I know whatever the outcome, that is what it should be.

My very first solo was at First United Methodist Church in Clarksdale, MS. We were doing a play called "Down By The Creek Bank". I know some of you reading this were either in it or had a child that was. I will never forget the words to the song that I sang. "I am adopted. I'm a special kid, you see. I'm proud to be a member of a royal family. My Father owns a kingdom. He sits upon His throne. He gives me EVERYTHING I need. It's nice to not be 'lone!" He IS my Father, and HE loves me more than I can even imagine.

I sent Jessica an email this morning. I'm hoping to hear back from her soon. It's very comforting to me that she wants direct contact. I'm praying that she finds it easy to communicate with me. She doesn't open up to the agency very well. I am thankful to be a part of her story, even if it's only to pray for her and show God's love in a way that she may never have experienced it before.

Resting In Him,

Friday, December 17, 2010

Post Phone Call-CRAZY DAY!

Well Friends, I hope you are sitting down for this post! We ended up talking to Jessica, her youth director, and the social worker a little after noon, instead of 11:00. Jessica didn't talk at first. The social worker just talked for her in the beginning, but she asked us the questions eventually. We were asked to tell our adoption journey so far, what our family values are, how we discipline, and what is one word each of us would describe our relationship with Hudson. These were easy questions for us, and I think we answered them well.

THEN, the social worker asked if anyone has told us about Jessica's doctor visit that she had on Monday. We told her no because Saturday was the last time we had heard from them. Jessica had an ultra sound on Monday that revealed a third baby! Yes, 3. However, they could not find a heartbeat for the third baby. Jessica is supposed to go back on Monday at 10:00am to get another ultra sound. She is saying that the doctor told her that if the third baby is not alive that she will have a c-section sometime next week. We, however, feel that she must have been told that a c-section is a possibility, not definite. I have spoken to my OB. She said that they're are a few reasons why they may do a c-section, but they won't do it if it's not absolutely necessary. Since they let her leave on Monday, there is no reason right now to do it. Jessica is only 27 weeks.

This afternoon, the social worker called back to talk to me without Jessica. She said we did really great with all of our answers. Jessica is very untrusting and very hard to read. She doesn't say much at all, and there are a lot of unknowns. She just told the agency this week her last name and address. All that to say, Jessica gave us her email address at the end of the conversation. The social worker said she was shocked! We think this is very positive because had she not liked us, she wouldn't have given it to us. I want to email her this evening to tell her we enjoyed talking to her, but my last name will show up in her inbox. She isn't supposed to know that. I've got to create a new address or figure out how to take my last name off.

Jessica has two requests that we are going to have to pray about and really process. One is that she wants to name the babies. They aren't terrible names. They just aren't the ones we have chosen. She told the social worker that their names are the only thing that she can give them. We really want to stick with "H" names, and we've decided on Hayden and Harrison. She likes Caden, Aiden, Jacob, and Zachery. We'll think about it... The other thing that she told us was that she wants to be able to see them once a year. We told her that we would have to pray about that and would do what we felt was best for the children.

At this point, there are still no other families. They have tried to get her to look at other profiles, and she won't. However, she has not 100% decided to go through with the adoption. The social worker said she would be so surprised if she didn't go through with it. Jessica is very intelligent and mature for her age. She knows that it would be almost impossible for her to raise two or maybe three babies. She would have absolutely no help. She has told the social worker over and over again, "I just can't do it." Meaning, raise two babies. It's just a really hard decision, as you can imagine.

Now, here are a few pieces of the story that you may not know. Several people have hesitated but asked me this week what race Jessica is. Since we're open to any race, I haven't realized that I haven't ever shared that part. Jessica is white. She has blonde hair and blue eyes. All I know about the birth father is that he is also white. Jessica's parents got divorced when she was really little. Her father remarried a lady from the Philippines, and Jessica lived there from the time she was four years old until she graduated from high school. She actually has an accent. She is no longer considering Juilliard. She plans to move back to the Philippines as soon as she can after the babies are born.

Sometime after the phone call, Jessica texted the social worker and said, "I know I have to decide soon." We really hope that she does. With a strong possibility that these babies will be born early and have to stay in the NICU, we would like to have an idea of what that will look like for us. As soon as she signs the paper giving up her rights, which I have just found out can be anytime after giving birth and only in front of a lawyer not a judge, we will be able to go to the hospital. However, if the babies are in the NICU for 2 months, she could take all that time to still be deciding. I'm trying to be patient and unselfish, but I feel like we need to know one way or another. If those are our children, we should be with them. I said this to the social worker and she said, "You're not their mommy until you're their mommy." This felt a little harsh to me. I mean, are we supposed to just act like none of this is happening? She is wanting to know every detail about us to make sure we will be good parents. I think we wouldn't be very good parents if our attitude was, "Until they're our children, it's not our problem to be concerned with." I am praying for peace in all of this. It's sooo hard, but we knew it would be. Ultimately, we know that God is in control, but right now, waiting for the end result is painful.

So let me recap what we are specifically praying for:
1. Jessica-that she stays healthy, that she can make the right decision, and for her emotional well being.
2. The babies-that they are healthy and can stay longer in the womb.
3. That a decision will be made soon so that we will have some clarity of what all this will look like for us.
4. That if this is going to happen so soon, God will provide what we need financially a lot quicker.
5. For Hudson-that he doesn't feel any of the stress we are going through.
6. For us-that we find peace in the midst of all of this and just enjoy being a family, especially at this wonderful time of year.

Thank you for taking the time to read all of this, and thanks for all the prayers! We really feel loved right now. We are so blessed to be surrounded by such wonderful caring people during this journey!

With Much Love,

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Quick Update

I'm typing from my phone so this will be quick! We aren't going to IN tomorrow. We got a call from the agency on Saturday saying that Jessica (birth mom) decided she feels more comfortable with a phone call. No worries! Nothing has changed. She's just not ready to meet. She may never want to meet and that's ok. Lot's of birth mom's never meet the family they choose. Jessica is calling us at 11:00 tomorrow morning. Take a moment then to say a prayer for us! I'll update sometime tomorrow after the call!
Excited and nervous,

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

We Can't Believe It!

Hello Friends!!
Good News!!!!! We got a call today from the adoption agency. Jessica with the twins has chosen us! My mom and Adam are actually the ones that talked to the agency. Of course, I wasn't at home and my cell phone was in the car charging! As we understand it, Jessica has chosen us, wants to meet us, and her father is no longer an issue. Praise God!!! The plan right now is for us to go to meet her in Evansville, IN next Friday. She wants to meet Hudson, too. So we'll all be going! We are so excited, but we're trying to remember that anything can happen. She can certainly change her mind, but the agency seems really hopeful that it's going to work out. Please pray that it will, and especially pray for us next Friday. We'll be so nervous! Or at least I will!

TWINS! My head is spinning right now! We've been talking about names for the past couple of hours. I think we've got one for sure, but we're trying to decide on the second. Originally, we wanted all "H" names, but we can't find 2 that we like, only one. Suggestions are welcome! We'll also take any advice from anyone with twins. I'm sure we'll need all the help we can get! :)

Thank you so much for all the prayers and support. We hope to have two precious baby boys in March!

Excited and Still Praying,

P.S. The home visit went really well. Hudson took the social worker straight to his room, handed her a guitar, sat down at his keyboard, and gave her a four count!!