Well Friends, I hope you are sitting down for this post! We ended up talking to Jessica, her youth director, and the social worker a little after noon, instead of 11:00. Jessica didn't talk at first. The social worker just talked for her in the beginning, but she asked us the questions eventually. We were asked to tell our adoption journey so far, what our family values are, how we discipline, and what is one word each of us would describe our relationship with Hudson. These were easy questions for us, and I think we answered them well.
THEN, the social worker asked if anyone has told us about Jessica's doctor visit that she had on Monday. We told her no because Saturday was the last time we had heard from them. Jessica had an ultra sound on Monday that revealed a third baby! Yes, 3. However, they could not find a heartbeat for the third baby. Jessica is supposed to go back on Monday at 10:00am to get another ultra sound. She is saying that the doctor told her that if the third baby is not alive that she will have a c-section sometime next week. We, however, feel that she must have been told that a c-section is a possibility, not definite. I have spoken to my OB. She said that they're are a few reasons why they may do a c-section, but they won't do it if it's not absolutely necessary. Since they let her leave on Monday, there is no reason right now to do it. Jessica is only 27 weeks.
This afternoon, the social worker called back to talk to me without Jessica. She said we did really great with all of our answers. Jessica is very untrusting and very hard to read. She doesn't say much at all, and there are a lot of unknowns. She just told the agency this week her last name and address. All that to say, Jessica gave us her email address at the end of the conversation. The social worker said she was shocked! We think this is very positive because had she not liked us, she wouldn't have given it to us. I want to email her this evening to tell her we enjoyed talking to her, but my last name will show up in her inbox. She isn't supposed to know that. I've got to create a new address or figure out how to take my last name off.
Jessica has two requests that we are going to have to pray about and really process. One is that she wants to name the babies. They aren't terrible names. They just aren't the ones we have chosen. She told the social worker that their names are the only thing that she can give them. We really want to stick with "H" names, and we've decided on Hayden and Harrison. She likes Caden, Aiden, Jacob, and Zachery. We'll think about it... The other thing that she told us was that she wants to be able to see them once a year. We told her that we would have to pray about that and would do what we felt was best for the children.
At this point, there are still no other families. They have tried to get her to look at other profiles, and she won't. However, she has not 100% decided to go through with the adoption. The social worker said she would be so surprised if she didn't go through with it. Jessica is very intelligent and mature for her age. She knows that it would be almost impossible for her to raise two or maybe three babies. She would have absolutely no help. She has told the social worker over and over again, "I just can't do it." Meaning, raise two babies. It's just a really hard decision, as you can imagine.
Now, here are a few pieces of the story that you may not know. Several people have hesitated but asked me this week what race Jessica is. Since we're open to any race, I haven't realized that I haven't ever shared that part. Jessica is white. She has blonde hair and blue eyes. All I know about the birth father is that he is also white. Jessica's parents got divorced when she was really little. Her father remarried a lady from the Philippines, and Jessica lived there from the time she was four years old until she graduated from high school. She actually has an accent. She is no longer considering Juilliard. She plans to move back to the Philippines as soon as she can after the babies are born.
Sometime after the phone call, Jessica texted the social worker and said, "I know I have to decide soon." We really hope that she does. With a strong possibility that these babies will be born early and have to stay in the NICU, we would like to have an idea of what that will look like for us. As soon as she signs the paper giving up her rights, which I have just found out can be anytime after giving birth and only in front of a lawyer not a judge, we will be able to go to the hospital. However, if the babies are in the NICU for 2 months, she could take all that time to still be deciding. I'm trying to be patient and unselfish, but I feel like we need to know one way or another. If those are our children, we should be with them. I said this to the social worker and she said, "You're not their mommy until you're their mommy." This felt a little harsh to me. I mean, are we supposed to just act like none of this is happening? She is wanting to know every detail about us to make sure we will be good parents. I think we wouldn't be very good parents if our attitude was, "Until they're our children, it's not our problem to be concerned with." I am praying for peace in all of this. It's sooo hard, but we knew it would be. Ultimately, we know that God is in control, but right now, waiting for the end result is painful.
So let me recap what we are specifically praying for:
1. Jessica-that she stays healthy, that she can make the right decision, and for her emotional well being.
2. The babies-that they are healthy and can stay longer in the womb.
3. That a decision will be made soon so that we will have some clarity of what all this will look like for us.
4. That if this is going to happen so soon, God will provide what we need financially a lot quicker.
5. For Hudson-that he doesn't feel any of the stress we are going through.
6. For us-that we find peace in the midst of all of this and just enjoy being a family, especially at this wonderful time of year.
Thank you for taking the time to read all of this, and thanks for all the prayers! We really feel loved right now. We are so blessed to be surrounded by such wonderful caring people during this journey!
With Much Love,