The Sad News...

First let me say that we appreciate so much all the calls, texts, emails, and messages that we have gotten. We know that no matter what happens, we are surrounded by so many people that love us. Your prayers are definitely felt!

For anyone that is finding out for the first time, Jessica was never pregnant. She has been lying the whole time. Apparently, this is the third time she has done this. There are so many parts to this story that could still be true, but we'll never know. Jessica claimed to have be severely abused, and she said that the birth father of the babies was her step-father. We've known that the whole time. She has told the agency a lot of terrible very detailed stories of the abuse and rapes. Supposedly, the step-father is in federal prison because of raping her sister who has been pregnant twice. If she is telling the truth about the abuse or not, she is a very sick little girl.

She called the social worker (SW) last night and told her that she was in labor. The SW told her that she was coming to get her and take her to the hospital. Jessica told her not to so the SW told her that she was calling an ambulance. So Jessica told her to just come get her. When they got to the hospital, they put the monitors on her stomach and couldn't hear the heartbeats. They sent her to get an ultrasound immediately thinking something was wrong with the babies. When she had the ultrasound, there were no babies. The SW says that she has appeared to be pregnant the whole time and even looked pregnant when she lifted her shirt for the ultrasound. A doctor came in and told her to let go of her muscles, and her stomach went flat. She's only 5'1" and weighs 98lbs so somehow she pulled this off. They figured out she was also lying about her age because there was no hospital record for her with her birthdate. She admitted to lying about that and said she was only 14. We all thought she was 17. She still says that she really thought she was pregnant. She even emailed me to tell me that she really thought she was and that she was sorry. I told her that she needed help and that we would continue to pray for her. I have now blocked her email address.

I know that severe trauma can do terrible things to your mental health, and it could have very well happened to this girl. If it is mental illness, she is schizophrenic with delusions of grandeur and has a multiple personality disorder. If she truly believed that she was pregnant, then an alter ego printed out ultrasounds from the internet and manipulated them to look like hers. They had her name, the hospital name, the date, etc. They looked real! She's also apparently created a girl named Carley who is pregnant, too. She denies that she is Carley, but she gave Carley's email address to the agency and has been corresponding with them only in that way.

I could go on and on about all the crazy things this story now entails, but we must move on. I feel so sad for Jessica. Right now, Adam is angry, but I am truly sad for this little girl. I think my Psychology background makes me see this a lot different than Adam does. I think most of his anger has been in fear of me being so disappointed. I am, but I am also feeling some relief. It was getting very overwhelming. We knew that she was refusing to be on bed rest and could go into labor at anytime. All of a sudden twins in March turned into three very pre-mature babies at anytime. I was prepared to move forward if it was God's plan, but there were moments when I was terrified of what that meant for our family. We want another child so bad, but honestly, if the situation causes us to take time away from Hudson and change his life drastically, we don't want to do it. I had a moment before the news of no babies when I thought if I knew all of this before, would I choose it? Having an only child seemed much easier to me, but I also know that God won't give us something we can't handle. I was just terrified.

This has turned out to be a devastating situation, but we have learned so much from it. To make sure Jessica didn't change her mind, we were starting to compromise a little. We also realized that we have put some "yeses" on our application that for us should really be "no's". This situation has shown me that we need to really consider what is best for our family and stick to that. We can no longer be afraid to say no to some things. Because I was so upset about some of Jessica's requests, I cried all Sunday morning at church and went to ask for guidance from our children's minister who is over the adoption ministry. He put me in contact with a wonderful woman who is about to adopt for the fifth time. With one phone call, she has already given me so much wisdom and peace about decisions that have to be made, and I am so thankful for that.

I pray that in all of this, Jessica has felt God's love through us and the adoption agency. I pray also that she will get some help. My heart is truly broken for this girl. Adoption agencies have money alloted for their birth moms' needs, and Jessica turned down most if not all of what they offered her. This makes me think that it was not some scam. She obviously needs love and attention that she's not getting anywhere else.

I don't know why we have lost two biological babies, and I don't know why we now have to feel like we have lost three more. What I do know is that God knows. He knows why all these things have happened to us. He knows His plan for us, and when we do have a precious baby to bring home, we will say it was all worth it. My momma said God gave us a test, and we passed. I hope so.

Moving On,
Andrea