If you don't already know, we have been chosen, and the baby will be here in 17 days! I know you want all the details so here it goes...
We received a call a little over a month ago from the social worker that did our home study about a birth mom in Memphis who was due in mid May with a baby boy. She came into the agency in Memphis wanting a biracial family. She is black and the birth father is white. They didn't have any families to show her so they called the office in Nashville. Our social worker told them that they didn't have any biracial families either, but they did have a family that would love to have the baby. This isn't the agency that we are currently using to find a baby so they didn't even have our profile. We sent it as soon as we got the call. They received it and said it looked great, but we didn't hear anything for a couple of weeks. We decided that it didn't work out. Then we received a call Monday before last saying that the birth mom loved our profile and had her hear set on us. They said that she had one other profile, and they were going to show her another one on Thursday morning. Our social worker said that we would know one way or the other by Thursday afternoon. So of course, I had my cell phone in my hand all day and was as nervous as I have ever been in my life! I didn't get a call, but finally an email at 4:00 from our social worker here saying that she had been playing phone tag all day with the social worker in Memphis. She said she would call me asap, but I never heard from her. I had to leave the house because I had a gig. While I was loading equipment, Adam called me and said that the social worker had called the house. We were the family for sure! I immediately felt like a different person!
Our social worker and another that I have talked to says that everything about this situation is the best case scenario Of course, there is always still a chance that the birth mom can change her mind, but it does not seem likely. She is 21 years old, unmarried, and already has a 4, 3, and 1 year old. Her children don't have the same father as the current birth father, and she isn't with the current birth father anymore. In fact, she isn't making this very easy on him right now. He has already surrendered his rights, but when the final decision was made to place the baby with us, he started to change his mind. The birth mom was furious and told him that if he even thought of trying to get the baby that she would make sure he couldn't even go to the hospital to see him. He agreed at the end of the meeting that he couldn't take care of the baby. His family doesn't even know that he got someone pregnant. It's great that she feels so strongly about letting us raise the baby. However, we hope that she doesn't make this really hard for him. The agency is counseling her about it so that everything will go smoothly.
The birth mom is having a c-section on May 21st in Memphis at St. Francis Hospital. Her doctor told her that she can have two people in the room with her during the c-section. She told them that she wanted her mom and me to be in there. She wants me to bond with the baby as soon as he comes out. That is the only part of the birth plan that we know right now, but we are hoping that because she wants me in there to bond that she will want us to keep the baby with us in the hospital. We don't even know right now if she wants to see him at all. We hope that she does because we've been told that it's better for them later to have said goodbye to the baby.
We are so thankful that the baby is being born in Memphis because we can get there quick without flying, and we can bring the baby home, as soon as he is discharged from the hospital. However, the hard part about adopting a baby in Tennessee is that the birth mom has 10 days after she signs the papers to change her mind. They have given her the option of having the baby placed in what's called "cradle care". This would be another family who would take care of the baby for those 10 days, but she has said that she wants us to take the baby home, as soon as he is released. This will be a very difficult 10 days. Even though we are very confident that she isn't going to change her mind, we will be worried until those 10 days are over.
Our social worker told me on Monday that the birth mom says she is 101% sure that she will place the baby with us. Her mom is also 101% on board. She placed a baby 20 something years ago and is very supportive of this decision. I'm sure she is helping raise the 3 children that the birth mom already has. So if the birth mom has second thoughts, we're hoping that her mom will be the voice of reason! She really does know, though, that she cannot take care of this baby and that we can. We are very fortunate and thankful that we live in a place where we know lots and lots of families with adopted biracial children, biological biracial children, and adopted children of a completely different races. We also already have biracial children in our family. Since the birth mom originally wanted a biracial family, we have done all that we can to help her feel confident that this child will be very accepted, loved unconditionally, and not made to ever feel any different. Heck, he and Adam will probably have the same hair! ;)
We are sooooo excited and are praying every second that this will all work out. Pray with us!! Hudson doesn't know fully what is going on, but we talk about the possibility of a baby to him all the time. He prays every night these exact words, "We pray for a baby brother or a baby sister- that their safe and healthy, feel loved by our family, and come soon." We're starting to set up the nursery so we know he knows it's probably going to happen soon. We just don't want to tell him anything definite, until the baby is born. He won't be there that day, but he will come the next day. If we get our own room and can keep the baby, we may be able to have visitors. Right now, we're just planning on our parents being there, but we'll let everyone know what the deal is closer to the time.
I have more to say, but I have to go to band practice, which also means I don't have time to proof read. Please excuse any mistakes! I'll update more soon!
Lots of love!